Return of the Son of More Songs About Robots & Death

by Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters

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about

Due to widespread demand from absolutely no one, the Player Characters have finally collected most of their comedy and dementia material in one convenient EP! On this record you'll enjoy catchy pop tunes about various forms of murder, learn what goes into the best LARP ever, and be flabbergasted by a hidden track that must be heard to be believed.

This CD contains parody versions of popular songs for the purpose of satire and comedy. All rights to the original songs parodied are the property of their respective original artists.

credits

released 07 November 2013
Produced, engineered, & mixed by Dave Stagner at Extraterrestrial Highway Studios, Minneapolis, MN
Cover art by Justin Hartley

Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters are:
Justin Hartley: drums, doumbek, djembe, washboard, handclaps, narration
Beth Kinderman: vocals, acoustic guitar, bass, piano, handclaps
Dave Stagner: electric guitar, 12-string guitar, acoustic guitar, lap steel, bass, synths, tambourine, handclaps, vocals

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about

Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters Minneapolis, Minnesota

If you like epic song cycles based upon multi-thousand-page fantasy novels, thought-provoking lyrics, violin solos, complex vocal harmonies, huge drums, and weird guitar effects, but you also think that more musicians should write songs about surviving the zombie apocalypse and attempting to sleep with video game characters, Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters are the band for you. ... more

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Track Name: Red Wedding
Hey little sister, what have they done?
Hey little sister, you had better run
Hey little sister, what you doing here?
They're gonna play "The Rains of Castamere"
Robb Stark will bite the big one

It's a nice day to lose your head
It's a nice day for a red wedding
It's a nice day to lose your head

Most of the Starks are gonna die today
Thanks to the Boltons, also to the Freys
Robb Stark will bite the big one (oh yeah!)
They're gonna play "The Rains of Castamere"
Robb Stark will bite the big one

It's a nice day to lose your head (come on)
It's a nice day for a red wedding
It's a nice day to lose your head

(Pick it up)
Valar Morghulis!

Hey little sister, what have they done?
Hey little sister, who's the only one?
Catelyn and Grey Wind, done for (done for)
Wendel and Smalljon, done for (done for)
Walder Frey's Fool is done for

It's a nice day to lose your head (come on)
It's a nice day for a red wedding
It's a nice day to lose your head

There is nothing fair in this world
There is nothing safe in this world
And there's nothing sure in this world
And there's nothing pure in this world
Win the game or die in this world
Lose your head

Come on
It's a nice day for a red wedding
It's a nice day to lose your head
It's a nice day to lose your head
It's a nice day to lose your head
Track Name: All I Wanna Do Is Shoot Some Guns
This ain't Jurassic Park
It ain't Forest Gump, either
This is Pulp Fiction

"You know they call a Quarter Pounder a Royale with Cheese in France?"
Says Vincent Vega next to me out of nowhere.
I'm getting into character, a gangster named Jules.
Just like Mr. Pink, or Blonde, or Brown, or Orange.

And he's plain stupid to me,
And I wonder if he's ever given a foot massage in his whole life.
And we are drinking tasty beverages at 7:25,
In an apartment with Brad and his Big Kahuna burgers.

And Brad and his business partners ain't talking their way out of this shit,
'Cause I don't remember asking them a goddamn thing!

Brad should now "What" ain't a country,
So I read them Ezekiel 25:17.
Well, they're nothing like Vincent and me,

'Cause all we wanna do is shoot some guns,
And I get a feeling that we're not the only ones.
All we wanna do is shoot some guns.
We're just like Seinfeld with live ammunition.
All we wanna do is shoot some guns,
Until Quentin yells "cut" on the Tarantino movie yard.

Mia likes a five dollar shake late in the evening,
And Butch likes to read a watch from his father's butt.
Marsellus fixes fights but he should watch his back for Zed and The Gimp.
Fabienne eats blueberry pie for breakfast.

Marvin lost his head so we took him to Jimmy's house,
But Jimmy informs us that he's not a dead hipster storage.

The Wolf comes to dispose of the car.
Honey Bunny doesn't want to kill anybody.
Ringo shouts out "Garcon, coffee!"

(Well I don't know why I'm singing this song
I got a feeling that something is wrong
I'm so scared that this is getting too meta
And I don't think it will get any better
Rappers to the left of me, filkers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with Luke)

But all we wanna do is shoot some guns,
And I get a feeling that we're not the only ones.
All we wanna do is shoot some guns.
Oh, I'm sorry did I break your concentration?
All we wanna do is shoot some guns,
Until Quentin yells "cut" on the Tarantino movie yard.

Otherwise, the chopper is ours.
The Fruit Brute, Red Apples, and the Kangaroo too.
The flies and the blowtorch and the old bedroom set.
The Pigs and the dorks.

But all we wanna do is shoot some guns,
And I get a feeling that we're not the only ones.
All we wanna do is shoot some guns.
My life is saved by divine intervention.
All we wanna do is shoot some guns,
And me and Vincent are gonna get medieval on your...
All we wanna do is shoot some guns,
Until Quentin yells "cut" on the Tarantino movie yard.
Oh yeah, From Dusk 'Till Dawn on the Tarantino movie yard.
Oh yeah, with Jackie Brown on the Tarantino movie yard.
With the Deadly Viper Squad on the Tarantino movie yard.
In a white Dodge Charger on the Tarantino movie yard.
Track Name: Malcolm Reynolds
I'm just mad about Saffron
She's just mad about me (x2)
They call me Malcolm Reynolds, yeah...

I'm just mad about fourteen
She's just mad about me (x2)
They call me Malcolm Reynolds, yeah...

Take my love and take my land
Take me where I can't stand
I don't care cause I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
They call me Malcolm Reynolds, yeah...
Track Name: 7 Wonders
Waiting for some ore or for some loom
So that I can build Halikarnassos soon
Or rearrange and just take that Clay Pool
That stuff is hard to get when I play next to you

Looking at the cards that pass on by
While Rome is choosing leaders at my side
Red cards are quite rare I realize
Then I wonder which color to try

Seven ancient wonders
Baby, wonder where to start
Seven ancient wonders
Gotta learn each pack by heart

Woo-oh, oh-oh, all the different things that I could build
Woo-oh, oh-oh, resources or science or guilds
Woo-oh, oh-oh, sure I'll play another round or two
These wonders could be lucky for you

I change my strategy and buy some blue
I can't think of another thing to do
And Plato's worth a lot of points, it's true
But if Gizah takes that Spies' Guild and hides it
Then I guess that I'm just screwed

Seven ancient wonders
Baby, wonder where to start
Seven ancient wonders
Gotta learn each pack by heart
Seven ancient wonders
By next age it all can change
Seven ancient wonders
Always losing at this game

Woo-oh, oh-oh, all the different things that I could build
Woo-oh, oh-oh, resources or science or guilds
Woo-oh, oh-oh, sure I'll play another round or two
These wonders could be lucky for you

Should I pick Aqueducts or Walls, Vineyards or Walls - tell me
Is there a way to win at all, for me at all - tell me
Should I pick Aqueducts or Walls, Vineyards or Walls - tell me
Is there a way to win at all, for me at all

Woo-oh, oh-oh, all the different things that I could build
Woo-oh, oh-oh, resources or science or guilds
Woo-oh, oh-oh, sure I'll play another round or two
These wonders could be lucky for you

Woo-oh, oh-oh
Woo-oh, oh-oh
Woo-oh, oh-oh
These wonders could be lucky (These wonders could be lucky)
These wonders could be lucky for you
Track Name: Best LARP Ever
(Original for reference: http://www.thefump.com/fump.php?id=1664)

It was the best LARP ever
The Prince and Sheriff weren't too clever
And hardly any of our coterie got staked
Except for George, but he deserved it
He kept doing really dumb shit
And when we diablerized his guy
I swear to God he almost cried
And when he came back in the game
With his new ghoul mage werewolf kinfolk
We sold him out to some wraiths who soulforged an ashtray
Best LARP ever!

It was the best LARP ever!
I took his trenchcoat of black leather
Then we hopped aboard the plot train
Let it take us for a ride
But then George came back
And this time he was a Gangrel
Who refused to leave his bat form
But always tried to start a fight
And that's exactly what he did with this poor Goth kid
In the alley behind the club who turned out to be Malkav in disguise
Best. LARP. Ever.
Cause George's Gangrel's head got severed
And he came back in the game while we were in these catacombs
To fight ur-Shulgi
This time he played a Malkavian
Who hated both of our Tzimisce
But somehow knew Vicissitude
And when we reached ur-Shulgi's haven George tried to stake him with a sea bass
So we torpored George ourselves and killed ur-Shulgi in THREE ROUNDS!
Best LARP ever!
It was the best LARP ever!

And when we got back to Elysium
To wind the chronicle down
George was there as a Lasombra antitribu with a gun
And as we sucked up to the Prince he just whipped out Obtenebration
And straight broke the Masquerade right there in front of everyone
So we picked up our katanas
And as he died he swore
He would never LARP with us again as long as he lived
BEST! LARP! EVER!
Saved the whole damn Camarilla
Just like something out of Thriller
And we racked up the XP
And we will never have to deal with George's bullshit
In another LARP again
That is, at least until next week
Because he is lead Storyteller
And there's nowhere else to play
A World of Darkness game in town
And we won't switch to D&D
And I know you had to be there
But I swear by all that's holy
Victory was sweeter than Vitae could ever be
Best LARP ever...