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Stop Covering "Hallelujah" [censored]

from Stop Covering "Hallelujah" by Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters

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A song parody inspired by the discovery that the "all Christmas music all the time" radio station in my city had begun playing the Pentatonix cover of "Hallelujah" in the spirit of the season. You can also get this track, and other songs by women and nonbinary folks in comedy music, on the "Madam Opus" compilation album available through the Funny Music Project at thefump.com/store/release/203

lyrics

I heard there was a Cohen tune
That everybody loved to croon
But you don't really know the context, do you?
It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The singer who would dearly love to screw you
Love to screw you...

Observe the verse, by way of proof
About the haircut, bath, and roof
And getting tied to chairs, I'll point out smugly
And yes, it's quite the work of art
Name-dropping it makes you sound smart
But in the end, the subject's bumping uglies
Bumping uglies...

I know it's still the easy choice
If you're competing on The Voice
To get those votes from all across the nation
But don't perform it in a church
Or carol it, lest you besmirch
Your Christmas with a song of copulation
Copulation, fornication...

Your TV drama's at a loss
For how to bring some gravitas
To the season finale you'll leave hanging
So pick the saddest song you've heard
Hope no one Googles all the words
And learns that it's about a lot of banging
Lots of banging...

I did my best, it wasn't much
For naughty bits about to touch
In cover versions cursed with endless sucking
But even though it all went wrong
I'll know each time I sing this song
That "Hallelujah"'s mostly about...

credits

from Stop Covering "Hallelujah", released November 4, 2018
Justin Hartley - censorship
Beth Kinderman - vocals, acoustic guitar
Dave Stagner - electric guitar, producer, engineer, mixing

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Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters Minneapolis, Minnesota

If you like epic song cycles based upon multi-thousand-page fantasy novels, thought-provoking lyrics, violin solos, complex vocal harmonies, huge drums, and weird guitar effects, but you also think that more musicians should write songs about surviving the zombie apocalypse and attempting to sleep with video game characters, Beth Kinderman & the Player Characters are the band for you. ... more

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